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인생을 바꾸는 50가지 방법
◇단순화(1-10)
▲우선 순위 설정 ▲명상하기 ▲2년 이상 입지 않은 옷 옷장서 비우기 ▲안쓰는 휴대전화 기부하기 ▲사진 정리 ▲의류와 레저장비 계절별 정리 ▲목욕탕 용품 등 잡동사니 정리 ▲주거환경이 좋은 곳으로 이사 ▲잠시 가사노동에서 해방되기 ▲과중한 업무에서 탈피하기
◇자극주기(11-16)
▲독서, 퍼즐 풀기 등으로 두뇌 자극 ▲화초 재배 ▲놀이ㆍ게임시간 갖기 ▲새로운 음악 듣기 ▲독서량 늘리기 ▲규칙적인 성생활
◇조직화(17-25)
▲재정상황 개선 ▲(주식거래 등의)비용절감 ▲투자 재조정 ▲신용카드 사용 않기 ▲비상시 대비 저축 ▲신용상태 개선 ▲비상사태 대비 비상계획 수립 ▲전화번호 등 각종 자료 정리 ▲서적, 영수증 등 서류 정리
◇웰빙(26-46)
▲가벼운 운동 ▲숙면 ▲금연 ▲시금치 등 녹색채소 먹기 ▲멜론 먹기 ▲흰빵, 흰밥 등 식탁에서 흰색 없애기 ▲청량음료 대신 물 마시기 ▲디저트 즐기기 ▲결혼하기 ▲채소 섭취 늘리기 ▲자전거 탈때 헬멧 쓰기 ▲조심 운전 ▲가스누출 경보기 설치 ▲개인정보 유출 주의 ▲집안 해충 퇴치 ▲조류관찰 등 실외활동 증대 ▲치아관리 ▲규칙적인 스트레칭 ▲발에 맞는 신발 신기 ▲매일 10번 심호흡 하기 ▲자신에 맞는 비타민 복용
◇지식ㆍ경험 축적(47-50)
▲철학에 관심갖기 ▲봉사활동 하기 ▲옷차림 변화 ▲용서하기
Special Report
- 50 ways to fix your life
From small tinkers that can improve your life to major transformations that might save it, experts weigh in on how to make a new you in 2005
Americans have long been captivated by the notion of self-improvement--none more so than Benjamin Franklin. An accomplished printer, author, postmaster, scientist, inventor, and diplomat who taught himself to speak five languages, this Founding Father never stopped striving to change for the better. At the tender age of 79, he "conceiv'd the bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection," describing 13 virtues to aim for--temperance, silence, order, resolution, frugality, industry, sincerity, justice, moderation, cleanliness, tranquillity, chastity, and humility--and an intricate system for charting his progress in each. "Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation," he writes in his Autobiography. "Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions."
Today, self-help is not just a way of life--it's practically a national obsession. There are 7,500 books on the topic on amazon.com alone, covering just about every imaginable bad habit or dilemma, from How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You and Positive Magic: Occult Self-Help to The Trick to Money Is Having Some! and Change Your Underwear--Change Your Life . Flip on the television and you can't avoid the latest spate of reality shows, which pledge to help everyday Joes and Janes remake their bodies, homes, careers, and relationships over the course of an hourlong episode or, at most, a season--all for their health, wealth, and happiness and, of course, your personal viewing pleasure.
Such offerings "appeal to the deeply felt American idea of 'before and after,' " says Robert Thompson, professor of media and popular culture at Syracuse University in New York, who points out the underlying similarities between Franklin and, say, Dr. Phil. "If you were born a peasant in a medieval village, you knew who you were and it was very hard to change that, but here there is fluidity of class, and entire industries and program types pop up that reflect the ultimate optimism that really anybody can be a 'swan' and completely turn [his or her] life around."
Time to change. The hard truth is that lasting change doesn't usually happen in a single TV season. In reality, of the 40 to 45 percent of people who will make New Year's resolutions come January--be it to quit smoking, start flossing, declutter, or finally plan for retirement--fewer than half will succeed within six months, according to John Norcross, professor of psychology at the University of Scranton in Pennsylvania and coauthor of Changing for Good. But while many of us struggle to better ourselves in these various ways, always seeming to fall short, somehow, and to stay mired in destructive routines, the fact is that when someone makes a serious commitment to transform his or her life, it is possible. Norcross, who has been studying the subject for over 25 years, says that 70 to 80 percent of those who actively attempt a switch are ultimately successful, though it may take two, five, 10 tries or more. "Once people understand that change is a process--a developmental progression with distinct steps to move through--then our capacity to alter behavior is quite impressive," he says. "It is a marathon, not a 100-yard dash."
How can you cross that far-off finish line? While the key to success varies from person to person, experts agree that certain attitudes and behaviors both prior to and during the change process help predict who will make it. Suppose you want to lose 20 pounds: First and foremost, you really have to be ready to do it and understand that the pros outweigh the cons: that being heavy has harmful consequences, for one thing, and that losing weight has tangible benefits, like improved health. People who are committed to working hard at dieting and who view it as a major undertaking rather than a minor episode are more likely to stick with a program, and the more confidence you have in your ability to lose weight, the more likely it is that you will.
Once you decide that you are, indeed, prepared to break a bad habit, it's essential to set realistic goals--like losing 1 or 2 pounds a week versus a full suit size--and to come up with an equally sensible plan of attack. "Many of us don't change until we're in crisis mode, until we get diagnosed with high blood pressure or our mate leaves us or we lose our job, and once that moment comes we're looking for a big leap to get out of pain, but for most of us, those big leaps don't get results," says Robert Maurer, a clinical psychologist and author of One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way. "Research on lasting change shows that it tends to be incremental, so that the body, the relationship, or the organization has a chance to adapt." For example, instead of trying to halve your daily caloric intake or to cut all carbs overnight, Maurer suggests that dieters throw away the first bite of every meal, eventually building to two bites in the second week, three in the third, and so on. "You're not counting on this taking years; you're counting on the brain getting used to the idea of looking at this huge quantity of food and developing the habit of not eating the whole portion," he explains.
It's also important to cleave to your strengths and interests while pursuing change. "It has to feel good for people to keep doing it," says medical psychologist Dan Baker, founding director of the life enhancement program at Canyon Ranch Health Resorts, who suggests that those who want to get into better shape and love the outdoors try cycling, not a stuffy gym; if you enjoy interacting with people, work out with a friend. Research shows that keeping track of your development in a visible way--charting weight loss, for one, or graphing your heart rate and stamina--is associated with sustainable lifestyle change, as is social support, whether in the form of friends, online discussion groups, or reliable, proven, self-help books. Find a healthy alternative to your problem behavior, like chewing sugarless gum instead of smoking, and be sure to reward your efforts--promise yourself a massage for every 5 pounds lost, perhaps, or a shopping spree once you reach your goal weight
Lastly, and most important, don't give up if you tumble off the wagon now and then. "When people who slip once equate it with a fall, a lapse becomes a relapse," says John Norcross. "Now they're drinking again, smoking again, overeating or not exercising at all, and they feel like a failure; they view it as evidence of their inability to change, and give up entirely." In contrast, triumphant changers often see a setback as a reason to recommit to their goal, and they get back on the horse immediately.
In the end, simply making a concerted effort to improve your lifestyle can have lasting benefits, no matter what the final result. Consider Franklin: A notorious ladies' man who had difficult relationships with his family, he also had varying levels of success with his quest for moral perfection. Though he made great strides overall, Franklin found the virtue of order--"Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time" --particularly vexing and ultimately unattainable. That's not to say his self-help experiment was a failure. Indeed, the inestimable Franklin recounts, "But, on the whole, tho' I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavour, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it." -Carolyn Kleiner Butler
1-10 Simplify
The greatest journey may begin with a single step, but before you put your shoes on, you need to know where you're headed. If you're too busy, it can be hard to choose that path--or to figure out that you've already set yourself on the wrong road. Cut back. You'll be amazed at what you learn.
1. Set your priorities
A new year, a clean slate, and so many ways to build a better life. But for people riddled with imperfections--which is to say people in general--sometimes that's exactly the problem. Should you spend more time snuggling with your sweetie or sweeping out the junk in the basement? Pitching in at the local food bank or organizing your digital photographs? Consolidating your credit card debt or eating more lycopene? The list of things we could do to improve our lives is so darned long that we often end up doing nothing at all.
Call it a to-do list; call it a battle plan if that makes you feel better. Somehow or other, you have to figure out where to start. "Almost all of my work involves setting priorities," says executive coach Linda Finkle of Potomac, Md. "The vast masses of us are trying to do more things in less time, and there's this belief that we can create a 26-hour day somehow." Finkle has developed many strategies for increasing efficiency--whether at home or in the workplace. "But there really are only 24 hours in the day," she says, "and sooner or later you have to realize that you can't do everything."
Sometimes separating the important stuff from the expendable is straightforward. But where do you go once you're ready to move beyond deciding whether you get that snazzy new leather jacket or buy lunch for the kids? Finkle suggests the good old-fashioned to-do list--with a twist. "We spend a lot of time on things that are important but not urgent," she says, "so we end up running out of time to do everything we want." She recommends starting each morning with a list of the day's tasks--from watching a child's softball game to preparing for a meeting at work--and then ranking them according to what can wait and what can't. "Mark them A, B, or C," she says, "and then tear up the B's and C's. If you get the all the A's done, you'll feel great and have a successful day."
Do or don't. In a way, Finkle is actually encouraging procrastination: Why waste time today on things that really can be put off until tomorrow? "The B's and C's either move up the list as they become more urgent, or they drop off" as conditions--or priorities--change, she says. "Your life might be 80 percent work one week, because you've got a big project that is a priority. And it might be all family time after that," she says. "What most of us do is not make the choice. We just plug along, and then we get frustrated when we run out of time."
When it comes to running out of time, author Carl Honore has an unusual suggestion: Don't speed up, he says; slow down. His recent book In Praise of Slowness chronicles the backlash against a society stuck in what he calls "roadrunner mode." "There's a cultural drive toward . . . squeezing more into every day," he says. "It's a badge of honor to be busy." Once a globe-trotting journalist, Honore had an "airport epiphany" 10 years ago. He'd been struggling with bedtime stories for his son--speed-reading the tales and even skipping over lines to buy a few more moments for work. "I was waiting for a flight, and I saw an article about the 'One-Minute Bedtime Story,'" he says. "My first reaction was 'Hallelujah!'," he recalls, but that ecstasy was soon followed by remorse. "Whoa, I thought, have I really come to where I'd put my son away with a sound bite?"
He took the "whoa" literally, slowing down and finding that life was richer. "When you do things more slowly, you're able to enjoy them more and do them better," Honore says. And slower, of course, means fewer. So how do you decide what to jettison? Honore recommends some combination of what will make you happy, what won't get you fired, and what will make for fond memories. "Coming up with a list of what's important to you really shouldn't be that hard," says Honore. If it is? Maybe you really need to slow down. -Thomas Hayden
2. Learn to meditate
Ooh--I love that black sweater I saw online yesterday. I wonder how it would look with my new jeans. Do we need paper towels? I think I may have used the last roll this morning. Yes, I'm sure I did. What if I can't max out my Roth IRA this year? Will I have to work until I'm 80? Should I just suck it up and get a second job now? I'd make a great closet organizer. Or maybe there's another three-pack of Bounty in the back of the pantry ...
Hoping to attain the inner peace of Buddhist monks and yogis worldwide, I sit cross-legged on my living room floor, take a deep breath, and try to clear my mind. I am aiming for a higher, more serene state of being--but all I get is a lousy sweater, paper towels, and money woes. Sadly, it takes a mere three minutes before I stand up and storm off, completely frustrated and, if possible, more wound up than when I began--all because I couldn't do something as seemingly simple as meditate.
Om and on. Why would a somewhat hyperactive skeptic even try? To be honest, it's hard to find a reason not to. Over the past several decades, it has become increasingly clear that meditation is a path not only to spiritual enlightenment but also to better health. A slew of recent studies have shown that a regular practice can offset many of the effects of stress, including heart disease, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, insomnia, and infertility. In addition, it has been proved to boost the immune system and to help treat symptoms and pain associated with chronic illnesses such as cancer, fibromyalgia, and psoriasis. "Meditation allows people to deal with a wide range of incoming hits to the brain and psyche in a more manageable way," says Barrie Cassileth, chief of the Integrative Medicine Service at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York, one of a growing number of hospitals that offer the therapy, which has no side effects and, once learned, doesn't cost a penny.
There are countless forms of the ancient mind-body practice, also known as mindfulness, which is thousands of years old. For example, in transcendental meditation, or TM, you rest quietly with your eyes closed and repeat a mantra--a single word or phrase with some particular meaning, like peace , om, or shalom --for 20 minutes at a time, while the breath method involves focusing on inhaling and exhaling deeply through the nose. In body-awareness meditation, you concentrate on breathing as you direct attention to each part of your frame, from the toes on up to the hair. A movement practice combines breath and easy, flowing motions, like swaying or dancing. You can meditate for five minutes or 50, while sitting still or walking, with your eyes open or shut.
Meditation is just one of several techniques that elicit similar health benefits, says Herbert Benson, an associate professor at Harvard Medical School and president of the Mind/Body Medical Institute in Chestnut Hill, Mass. Whether it's yoga, tai chi, qi gong, or even repetitive prayer, the basic science is the same: Stress brings forth a "fight or flight" reaction in the body, releasing epinephrine and norepinephrine into the bloodstream; these hormones increase blood pressure, heart rate, and muscle tension and can lead to the aforementioned medical problems.
"There are no drugs or surgeries which can counteract the harmful effects of stress, but fortunately we have within ourselves an opposite reaction--'the relaxation response,' " says Benson, who coined the term back in 1975 and has been studying the subject ever since. Though the exact brain mechanisms involved are still being researched, it is clear that with daily practice over time, the body builds resistance to stress, and related symptoms diminish.
Needless to say, I am not alone in my quest for inner peace. According to a survey on complementary and alternative medicine from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 8 percent of adults in the United States now practice meditation, which comes in many different forms and styles, and an additional 12 percent utilize deep breathing exercises; 5 percent are committed to yoga. For individuals like Linda Felner, the results can be life altering. After the 62-year-old was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2002, she had surgery and chemotherapy and went into remission, but she still suffered from debilitating nerve pain in her arms and legs as well as exhaustion and depression. Felner, who lives in the New York area, sought out Sloan-Kettering's Integrative Medicine Service--and meditation, qi gong, and acupuncture. "I see meditation as a tool that's there for me to draw upon whenever I want or need to," she adds, noting that she's never felt better, physically or mentally.
Guru guidance. Though meditation can be an inexpensive and effective way to counter such stresses, it can be challenging to get started--and to stick with it. After my initial debacle, I contact Lorin Roche, author of Meditation Made Easy, who has been teaching the practice in Los Angeles for more than 30 years. The first advice he offers is to forget about monklike focus and embrace my "monkey mind" --an apt term if ever there was one. "Everyone thinks they are bad at meditation--that they're not disciplined enough, that they can't make their mind blank--but it is an innate human skill," he promises. Through a series of sessions via speakerphone and his Meditation 24/7 CD, Roche introduces me to the "fill your cup" exercise, which has me reflecting over my coffee every morning for five minutes, savoring each sip and concentrating on "drinking in" the qualities I'll need to get through the day, like strength or endurance. I pause again in the late afternoon to lie down, rest my eyes, and concentrate on slowly inhaling and exhaling for 10 to 15 minutes, envisioning a favorite spot overlooking the beach; when the dread of what to cook for dinner hits me, I allow myself to briefly mull over chicken kabobs versus stuffed peppers and then try to return to the image of blue surf, even if it takes a while.
Nearly two months later, I'm still at it. The skeptic in me isn't sure these daily breaks are paying off, but on a recent afternoon I had a breakthrough of sorts: My body melted into the couch, my lids grew heavy, and I felt half asleep but perfectly conscious of my breath, which echoed through my brain, my chest, my limbs; for the first time ever, perhaps, I thought of absolutely nothing at all. I don't know how long it lasted--maybe two minutes, maybe 10--but I do know I want more. -Carolyn Kleiner Butler
Beating clutter
3. Clear your closets. If you haven't worn a piece of clothing in two years, it's time to toss it or donate it. Narrow down the real treasures, and save them in boxes out of the way.
4. Donate your phone. A number of nonprofits recycle old cellphones for good causes. Check out the Wireless Foundation or the Charitable Recycling Program.
5. Save your snapshots. Get your old photographs out of those shoeboxes and into an album or frames; they'll last a lot longer, and you can actually enjoy them.
6. Store by season. Organize your closets more rationally: Holiday lights go with the sleds and parkas; the beach umbrella goes with the snorkeling gear.
7. Bag it. Hanging shoe bags can hold more than footwear. Put them on the back of a door to store cleaning supplies, bath stuff, or anything you need in easy reach.
8. Move to Bismarck
To get from his home in Mandan, N.D., to the offices of the Bismarck Tribune, Managing Editor Ken Rogers must squeeze into eastbound traffic on I-94, cross the Grant Marsh Bridge over the Missouri River and into Bismarck, and then make his way to the far side of this northern state capital. "The commute," Rogers grumbles, "is brutal. I have to set aside 15 minutes." Which includes a stop for coffee. And another to pick up mail.
Aggravation comes in many forms. But thinking about Rogers's morning cakewalk (completed in about half the national average commuting time), while stuck in traffic and suffering the consequences of one coffee too many and one pit stop too few, surely ranks near the top of the list. Which is exactly where Bismarck's 57,000 residents wound up in a 2004 listing of America's least stressful small cities.
Yes, the winters are cold, the New York Philharmonic never visits, and it's more than 1,000 miles to the nearest coast. But North Dakota boasts shorter commutes, less violent crime, and better high school graduation rates than any other state in the union. Add in the capital's stable economy and low unemployment, affordable housing, sunny skies, and year-round recreation, and you've got a near-perfect recipe for low-stress living. A move to Bismarck, in other words, might just deserve a second look.
Rogers and two other men sat around a table at a coffee shop here recently discussing why. Steve Neu, Bismarck's parks and rec director, loves the easy access to open spaces. The Missouri cuts a sinuous path through the plains here, relieving the area from topographical monotony and providing prime hunting and fishing grounds. Tracy Potter moved to Bismarck from Grand Forks, N.D., and joked that he was going into exile. "But the natural beauty here captures you," he says. Plus, "there's a lot of civility in local politics, and it's a great place to raise kids." "It's not a perfect place," Rogers adds. "But it is a good place, where you can choose how you want to live your life."
Lessons. In many smaller centers, colleges become an escape route for local kids, providing the credentials needed to move away. But at Bismarck's institutions of higher education--Bismarck State College, the United Tribes Technical College, and the University of Mary--the focus is on giving students the skills they need to make a life here. Perched on a high bluff overlooking the Missouri River Valley, the University of Mary was practically willed into being by Benedictine nuns in 1959. "There was no money in the bank," says the university's president, Sister Thomas Welder, "but there was a great need to serve the people of the region." Today, that includes training teachers and healthcare workers, and intensive mentoring for business students, to help them build the connections needed to find jobs in the local economy.
But while the cost of living is relatively modest, that's not enough to make up for North Dakota's notoriously low wages. Statewide, annual pay ranked 48th in 2002, and many of Bismarck's citizens work two jobs just to stay above the poverty line.
Bismarck places near the bottom of another list. "Diversity here means whether you're Norwegian or German," jokes Becky Jones Mahlum, the city's public information officer. Bismarck's population is almost 95 percent white; most of the rest are American Indian. Still, says Mahlum, who has a daughter adopted from India, the city's friendliness extends to everyone.
Sia Ranjbar would agree. Originally from Iran, he immigrated to the United States in 1976, at age 19. For 22 years, Ranjbar lived in San Francisco, worked as an architect--and spent four hours a day in traffic. "I burned out on the stress," he says. Now he runs a coffee shop in downtown Bismarck and couldn't be happier. "People here treat me for who I am," he says, "and not for where I'm from. For me now, this is home."
Still, some in Bismarck can't wait to leave. A group of 20-something students and restaurant workers gathers at the Peacock Alley Bar & Grill over espresso martinis--a distinct departure from the light beer favored in many other local establishments. "You'd better believe we're stressed out," says Brian Hare, 26, who works at the restaurant as a chef. "We're stressed out about getting stuck here." The table agrees; Bismarck is a great place to grow up, swell for the old folks, perfect for raising a family--and a nightmare for anyone who wants a little excitement. The nightlife ("the same bunch of dudes looking for the same bunch of chicks every night") is boring, the art all runs to prairie landscapes, and the live-music scene is deadly. "At the best you're hoping for country," says Nathan Boyd, also 26, "and it's not even good country."
While the low wages are great for businesses, they make it hard for younger workers to get ahead. This is a region where the term outmigration is a regular part of the vocabulary. Mayor John Warford says that finding ways to stanch the outward population flow is a top priority. "It's an issue I understand very well," says Warford. One son is his partner in an orthodontic practice here, but two others live in Manhattan, and a daughter can't wait to finish college and join them. Warford is pushing tax breaks for entrepreneurs to create more local jobs. And he's betting that a new secure transportation facility, due to open next year, will help send Bismarck goods--from agricultural products to Bobcat excavators--to world markets, rather than sending the workers.
Seemly underbelly. If anyone sees the problems in a city, it's the beat cops. With two murders, 2003 was a hectic year for homicide detectives, but Bismarck's 89 sworn officers are kept busy with the lesser manifestations of human pain and frailty. There's been a recent spike in methamphetamine use, says Officer Michael McMerty, an eight-year veteran of the force. Meth labs often pop up in farming areas like Bismarck, he notes, because ammonia fertilizer is one of the drug's ingredients. "Overall, this is still a nice, safe town," says McMerty's sergeant, Steven Kenner. "But it's a city with growth pains. We're starting to hit the outer edge of what we can handle."
Still, the first eight hours of the Friday overnight shift are quiet, producing a handful of domestic disputes, a few traffic violations, and a single DUI charge. A liquor store calls in to report that employees are holding a minor for trying to make a purchase several months before his 21st birthday. McMerty waits until after a good frisking before letting on that he knew it was a sting--the kid was working with the police to see if the liquor store would check his ID. The officers all insist that this is an unusually slow night, but then again, everyone keeps pointing out that the weather really is usually much worse, too.
Maybe they just don't want the rest of us to feel bad about our own towns and cities. Or maybe they know how good they have it and don't want a nosy reporter to spill the beans. "If you tell people about it, they might come here," says Potter warily. Rogers, taking a slug of coffee, finishes the thought: "And screw it up." But don't worry about the gruffness. Bismarck is usually much friendlier than this--really. -Thomas Hayden
9. Stop doing housework
American women spend 358 hours a year cleaning up. Learn to love dust bunnies, and stop doing housework once in a while; you'll have a lot more time.
10. Quit your job
At 28, John Doyle was an overworked New York investment banker on the fast track. By most measures, he was a success. But he was also miserable. So during a semiannual review 2 1/2 years into the job, he simply quit. "Almost immediately I lost 35 pounds," says Doyle. For four months, he did little more than relax, rollerblade through Central Park, and read books. "Honestly, it was one of the happiest times in my life," he says.
After moving back to his mother's house, working for no pay as a line chef in a hip Chelsea restaurant for six months, and then relocating to Philadelphia, Doyle finally found his niche. As the founder and co-owner of John and Kira's Jubilee Chocolates, an artisanal chocolate company that promotes social change, Doyle expects to do half a million dollars in sales this year. His partner and wife, Kira Baker-Doyle, whom he met through social activism circles, is pregnant and due in March. The Food Network is featuring the couple in a reality show. "Quitting is extremely liberating," says Doyle, now 35. "It allows you to open up, listen to yourself closely, and hear things that you couldn't hear before."
Long considered the choice of losers and slackers, quitting can be one of the most empowering and active decisions that a person can make, says Evan Harris, author of The Art of Quitting . All things must come to an end, and by choosing when to quit a job, a relationship, a philosophy, or a bad habit, quitters direct their own destinies. History is rich with examples: Andrew Jackson quit school and joined the Army at 13--and later became the seventh U.S. president. Novelist Jack London quit both high school and college. Bill Gates quit Harvard and started Microsoft. Edward VIII quit being king of England to marry American divorcee Wallis Simpson. Greta Garbo quit being a movie star while still in her 30s to pursue a life of privacy.
Carpe diem. In some ways, now is a better time than ever to quit. "If you've been at one company for too long, corporate America figures that you are a dud," says Barbara Sher, author of I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was . "Companies are not loyal to employees anymore. Nobody blames you anymore and asks why you didn't stick with things."
The midlife crisis and the approach to retirement have long been socially accepted times to reassess. But it's increasingly acceptable to search for purpose and satisfaction wherever you are in life. It's by now a given that 20-somethings face serious decisions on responsibility, self-identity, relationships, and professional direction that can induce a crisis on par with midlife. For women who grew up in the post-feminist age, say the authors of Midlife Crisis at 30: How the Stakes Have Changed for a New Generation--And What to Do About It , the real midlife crisis comes in the early 30s, when many realize that contrary to everything they've been raised to believe, they face limitations in their careers and in decisions on marriage and children.
And retirees are now facing their own quitting conundrums. Far from fading into a golf course sunset, many of the 78 million baby boomers are redefining retirement as a third age of work and play--though not always happily. According to Ron Manheimer, director of the North Carolina Center for Creative Retirement at the University of North Carolina-Asheville, 30 percent of men and 11 percent of women go back to work after retiring. Some return out of boredom, others to pursue a long-held dream, and yet others out of financial necessity. "The art is finding a balanced life that has enough challenge, enough problem solving, enough fellowship, as well as enough leisure," says Manheimer.
Which is true if you're still in the workforce, too. But how do you separate low-grade dissatisfaction with the necessity of a true quit? "Stop and notice where you are, whether it's in a relationship, a job, or any situation," advises Betsy Taylor, president of the Center for a New American Dream, a think tank and environmental advocacy group. "If you're feeling a lot of stress and anxiety or you're not sleeping, it's important to pull back. Take 20 minutes of silence in the morning and ask how I can be the person that I want to be. Sometimes it can be scary to listen to your inner voice because the implication is that you have to make changes." And make sure it's really your voice. "Don't quit because someone discouraged you," says Sher. "Don't quit out of fear, and don't quit because you lack focus."
Larry Ferstenou felt "giddy as a child" the day he walked away from his vocational rehabilitation business. "Quit because you have other things you want to do," counsels Ferstenou, who developed a goal of retiring young and enjoying his life after watching his father work at a job he hated and die at age 52. And before you quit, try out your new interests. If you want to quit to paint or write, for example, try to paint and write first, and see if you really are suited for it.
Sit or spin? Then the question remains of how to go about quitting. When Cathy O'Neill of Atlanta was 21, she left her job and America to spend three years in an experimental community in India called Auroville. Now 50, she works for a company called Maroma that supports Auroville by exporting incense, candles, and other products around the world. Elisabeth Wadsworth was 25 in 2001 when she and two friends quit lucrative careers in Boston and moved to San Francisco. Wadsworth was unemployed for 14 months, but she doesn't regret her decision. "It gave me such freedom," she recalls.
Those with responsibilities like mortgages, spouses, and children don't have the same luxury, of course. Joe Patti, 58, of Chatham, N.J., spent most of his life working on Wall Street in information technology for financial institutions. Then he had his house remodeled, and the builder, recognizing Patti's organizational skills, asked him to come on as an employee. Patti weighed an offer he had at Standard & Poor's against the one to manage local housing sites. Despite his wife's preference that he stay corporate, Patti could not resist going to work in muddy boots, sweatpants, and a hard hat--all while taking about a 40 percent pay cut.
While Patti endures steady criticism from his wife for tracking mud into the house, storing construction materials in the garage, and letting his obsession with the job take over their weekends and evenings, he has no plans to go back to three-hour daily commutes and a suit and tie. "I thought that we'd see more of each other in our late 50s, not less," says his wife, Joan. Instead, she concedes, "I'll just keep on nagging, and he'll keep on telling me things are going to change. It's kind of the way it's been for 32 years."
Janet Luhrs quit being a lawyer after just two weeks to stay home with her children. She became an early pioneer of the voluntary simplicity movement. "I think that people just don't see past the box that they're in," she says. A single parent with a mortgage, Luhrs was able to scale back, get creative (she turned her basement into a rental unit), and support her family as a writer and speaker.
Then there's Evan Harris, author of The Art of Quitting , who has quit her full-time fascination with quitting. She also quit the single life in New York City and is now married and living in East Hampton with her husband and baby. "There was a point when I stopped thinking about quitting only as rejection but began to think of it as embracing as well," says Harris. Sticking with something you hate may take hard work, after all, but knowing when to quit, that takes wisdom. -Caroline Hsu
A tired mind isn't a happy mind. What can you do to recharge your batteries on a daily basis? Using different parts of your brain in unexpected ways can help, whether it's digging in your garden, reading a challenging book, rocking out to your new MP3 player--or just tossing a ball.
11-16 Stimulate
11. Use your gray matter
Not so very long ago, scientists thought the human brain was a lot like a just picked head of cabbage. A 20-year-old's brain, though still fresh and crisp, would never grow again. From then on, it went through a slow, inevitable decay, losing powers of decision making, memory, and multitasking, until an 80-year-old was left with little more than sauerkraut.
But now we know, thanks to leaps in neuroscience, that adult brains can grow and change. That ability may help individuals push back against the declines in perception, cognition, and motor skills once thought to be an unavoidable part of growing older. It may play a role in recovery from stroke and traumatic brain injury. And it may even help delay the devastation of diseases like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's.
Play time. Best of all, the brain's restorative capabilities seem to be sparked not by high-priced pharmaceuticals or mechanical gizmos but by everyday pleasures that present physical or mental challenges. Those can include tackling the New York Times crossword puzzle, analyzing The Corrections in your book group, playing a tough 18 holes of golf, or running the table in eight ball. Yes, eminent scientists say that shooting pool can be good for your brain.
"Use it or lose it," says William Greenough, a researcher at the University of Illinois who puts forth billiards as a good example of the sort of motor-skills challenge that enhances brain function. "The brain needs both physical and mental exercise." Up until the 1960s, when a Massachusetts Institute of Technology scientist showed that new cells grow in the memory center of adult rat brains, the presumption was that those brains could not grow new tissue. In 1988, scientists showed that adult human brains can grow new neurons, too.
Greenough has found that rats raised in an environment where they could climb, jump, and socialize with other rats had many more neuronal connections in their brains--and more new neurons--than less-stimulated rodents. The revved-up rats did better in memory mazes and other lab-rat tests. Research in rats and monkeys has shown that aerobic exercise remodels the brain, prompting the growth of new neurons and more brain synapses, insulating neurons for faster, more efficient transmission, and increases the number of capillaries. That all makes for a brain that is more efficient and adaptable. Although old rats don't show as much improvement as the youngsters do, "the brain continues to benefit for as long as we've been able to test the animals," Greenough says. That is, right up till death.
While some scientists still question whether adult brains do grow, most accept that the hippocampus, the brain's memory center, and the olfactory bulb, which controls smell, do sprout new neurons. (In 1999, researchers at Princeton University found neurogenesis in the cerebral cortex of monkeys, an area responsible for much higher thought, including executive decision making and short-term memory, and visual recognition of objects.) It's been known for decades that people who exercise regularly do better on cognitive tests than their less-fit peers. But it's only been in the past decade that scientists, using tools like MRI s, have been able to show in randomized trials that aerobic exercise remodels parts of the human brain as well, increasing brain volume and brain activity. "More tends to be better," says Arthur Kramer, a psychologist at the University of Illinois.
Kramer's lab has been putting sedentary adults in their 60s and 70s in a walking program, working up from 10 or 15 minutes a day to 45 after six months. This year, his group showed for the first time that the exercise group had greater activity in the parts of the brain involving attention and decision making while doing difficult tests. The exercisers also improved performance on "executive control" processes, which include the ability to plan, schedule, use working memory, and do several tasks at once, by 15 to 20 percent. Kramer says: "You don't have to become a marathon runner to get the benefits in memory and attention."
Couch potatoes shouldn't be surprised to learn that watching World Series of Poker on ESPN doesn't count as a mental challenge, just as watching the NBA playoffs doesn't count as exercise. In fact, study results presented earlier this year found a correlation between increased TV watching and increased risk of Alzheimer's disease. However, that could be because people suffering the early, subtle effects of the disease may be more likely to choose passive pursuits. Studies published last September in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that older men and women who walked several miles a day had a lower risk of dementia and cognitive decline, but many other factors could be causing those results, because they are not randomized controlled trials.
One premise is that by building more brain, people have some reserve capacity and will be able to function well longer. Another, more controversial notion is that activity itself is somehow protective. The jury will be out on both theories for some time, but in the meantime, doing more couldn't hurt. "The important thing is to make your brain do some work," writes Marilyn Albert, a researcher of cognitive changes in Alzheimer's, in her 2002 book Keep Your Brain Young, coauthored with Guy McKhann.
Never too old. TV addicts might also like to know that longitudinal studies consistently find that people who are socially engaged stay sharp longer. (That means engagement with real humans, not the characters on Desperate Housewives .) In March, researchers at Johns Hopkins University reported that elderly African-American women did significantly better on cognitive tests after helping children for 15 hours a week at inner-city schools in Baltimore than women who did not. Earlier studies have found that doing a complex job significantly increases intellectual functioning among young and old, with the greatest gains among the oldest workers.
Less passive screen time, however, may be OK. In 2003, researchers at the University of Rochester reported that playing the action video game Medal of Honor improved college-age players' visual-attention skills--and not just those they used in the game. "Although video-game playing may seem to be rather mindless, it is capable of radically altering visual attentional processing," the researchers wrote in Nature . Kramer's lab is about to study whether action and strategic video games can improve a wide range of cognitive skills. That work is being funded by the Department of Defense.
Because physical activity, mental challenges, and strong social ties all appear to be good for the brain, those interested in keeping their brains honed to a keen edge might want to combine social and aerobic activities--pickup basketball, anyone?--or choose thought-provoking social events. "Whether it's book clubs or chess or political discussion groups or being politically involved, you have both a social aspect and the intellectual aspect," says David Snowdon, an associate professor at the University of Kentucky whose long-term study of nuns found that sisters with a broader vocabulary early in life were less likely to suffer Alzheimer's decades later. "In our time-urgent society, you need to find activities with potential multiple benefits," Snowdon says. "It's kind of like investing in a mutual fund instead of individual stocks." -Nancy Shute
12. Grow a plant
Sue Kaylor has loved gardening since the age of 3, when she first sprawled out in her grandmother's zinnia patch, gazed at the vibrant, magical petals all around her, and wished she could grow her own. But the pursuit took on special meaning after the newspaper advertising rep suffered a major stroke in 1993. Paralyzed on her right side and unable to walk, talk, read, or write, Kaylor found that she could still work in her backyard garden. Holding a tool in her left hand, she'd hitch herself along, weeding, pruning azalea bushes, transplanting gloriosa daisies, and doing whatever else needed to be done. "There's nothing like that moment when you realize you've planted something and it works--it lived--it's thriving," says Kaylor, who lives in Rock Hill, S.C. "It's extremely therapeutic."
Fortunately, just about everyone can benefit from plants, whether displaying a single leafy-green palm in the office or cultivating a full home garden. "The body changes and reacts rather quickly to the presence of plants and flowers in the environment . . . and just one can do the same trick as a houseful," says Richard Mattson, professor of horticulture at Kansas State University, citing research that shows exposure to various flora can reduce stress, improve mood, and boost the immune system. "Just viewing a plant," he says, "causes a diversion and the mind tends to relax." Plants in interior spaces can also improve air quality by removing a range of toxins; thus, it's no surprise that workers in rooms with foliage tend to be more productive than those in bare offices.
Petal power. There's even more good news for those who garden themselves--a challenge that involves relating to nature, the seasons, the weather, and a host of other unpredictable factors. The average person burns 202 calories digging, spading, and tilling, compared with roughly 100 calories walking at a normal pace for half an hour or 200 calories playing basketball. Recent studies show that gardening can help maintain healthy bone mass in women over 50 more effectively than activities like jogging or aerobics and may lower blood pressure and cholesterol in older men. In addition, gardeners report increased levels of self-esteem, greater personal satisfaction and efficacy, and an enhanced sense of stability. "Nurturing plants with your own hands can help nurture your spirit," says Diane Relf, professor emeritus of horticulture at Virginia Tech. Then there are bonuses like fresh produce and bouquets--and the fact that landscape design and maintenance often increase the value of a house.
Feeling happy and more relaxed outdoors, in green space, is a time-tested theory: There is a long history of pre-Prozac generations prescribing farming the land or merely strolling in gardens to improve mental well-being, from the ancient Egyptians and colonial doctors to World War II-era veterans hospitals. "We are all part of this living world, and when we become disconnected from it, it changes the rhythm of things," says Nancy Easterling, a horticultural therapist at the North Carolina Botanical Garden in Chapel Hill. She recently worked with a group of at-risk adolescent girls who grew medicinal herbs like lavender and thyme and then used their bounty to make facial scrubs, hair rinses, and other cosmetics, learning responsibility and experiencing tangible rewards of nurturing, in the process.
So great was the impact of gardening on Sue Kaylor's ailing body and spirit that she became a horticultural therapist herself. In 2001, she launched a treatment program at the Charlotte Institute of Rehabilitation, where she had received physical therapy. Now 60 and getting around on her own again, Kaylor helps patients recuperating from head traumas, hip replacements, and heart problems to raise herbs, pansies, echinacea, and other flowers in on-site beds--plants that they can then harvest and display in their rooms or donate to a nearby hospital. "No matter who or where you are in life, it is completely satisfying to stick a trowel into the earth, plant a seed, and then watch it bear fruit or flowers," she says. "Everybody can use a little digging in the dirt." -Carolyn Kleiner Butler
13. Take time to play
Taking time to play can improve adults' memory and cognition. Some scientists even think a game of, say, duck-duck-goose helps us live longer.
14. Listen to new music
We used to talk about new music all the time, go to live shows even, and share our latest finds. Not anymore. Nowadays, a good friend groaned recently, "it's just the same old Flock of Seagulls CD over and over again." OK, she was probably joking--surely nobody still listens to A Flock of Seagulls. But my friend, too embarrassed by her fall from musical currency to allow her name in print, has a point. Somewhere in the transition from a 20-something student to a 30-something mother, she had become stuck in an all-too-typical musical rut. "Wait, wait, it's not really that bad," she insisted. "I mean, my Pilates teacher played the whole Norah Jones CD in class." Point made.
Maybe you noticed when you realized you hadn't swapped the disks in your CD changer in a year--and didn't mind. Perhaps it was when your music purchases became dominated by reissues and box sets from long disbanded favorites, or when the same bands started showing up on "oldies" radio stations. Or maybe you realized the truth when you uttered the fateful words "I just don't get what those kids are listening to anymore." As children, jobs, and overall inertia intervene, as the prospect of late nights in smoky bars becomes less palatable and musical trends veer away from those you cut your teeth on, sooner or later you wake up to the reality that you're old, out of touch, and sinking fast.
Desire to annoy. It's practically a law of physics: Increasing age equals annoyance with the latest music plus clinging to the once edgy chestnuts you grew up on. Granted, there are entire genres, from bebop to punk rock, based in the desire to confound or annoy, but there might be more to it than that. Writing in the New Yorker in 1998, the neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky, 40 at the time, enlisted youthful assistants to study the phenomenon. Polling radio stations, they determined a 95 percent chance that listeners will never embrace styles of popular music that arise after they turn 35. After turning up similar windows for trying new foods and getting body piercing, Sapolsky speculated that as we age, we not only lose our taste for novelty but also actively embrace repetition.
But are we condemned by birth year to spend our dotage immersed in endless loops of Lynyrd Skynyrd, Nirvana, or--pity the current generation--Britney Spears? While Sapolsky's inquiries were terrifying to many rapidly aging gen X-ers, science is mute on the question of whether musical taste must invariably suffer the same calcified fate as arteries and joints as we age. Besides, some of us do indeed manage to keep our musical minds limber well past the critical years of early middle age. Despite being, at 37, "increasingly the oldest woman at shows," advertising executive Suzanne Martineau still seeks out genre-defying groups like Estradasphere and Vandermark 5 in Chicago clubs. And Robin Wilcox, a physical therapist, can spend hours combing through used-record bins in Seattle, searching for CD s by jazz artists like William Parker and Bobby Previte. They're intense musicians who play with the same power--and a lot more sophistication--than the heavy-metal, punk, and hard-core bands Wilcox listened to in his teens and 20s. And the slightly less intrepid can turn to magazines like New Music Monthly, which comes with a sampler CD, and to MTV Subterranean, which still actually runs videos--usually the more interesting ones.
Still, finding new music can seem daunting. But these are actually the best of times for musical adventurers, says longtime cultural journalist John Leland, who as a columnist for Spin in the 1980s was arguably more in touch with the latest music than anyone else in the country. He has given up "the fetish of always knowing what was coming out in three weeks," he says, but still does a lot of genre hopping. "You used to have to essentially be a cultist to find some kinds of music, or go into record stores and buy albums just based on the cover art," he recalls. With the Internet, the music--and the advice of relevant cult members--is just a click away. For aging music fans who need to jolt their listening patterns, he says, "There's more information available than ever before."
Highly opinionated review sites, like pitchforkmedia.com, make decent substitutes for highly opinionated friends. And online radio stations and music download sites can sub in for the mix tapes your college radio buddies used to make back in the day. But while they're more varied than commercial radio, most still skip over vast regions of the map, both real and musical. The Global Music Project (globalmusicproject.org) can take you further afield. The digital download website acts as a clearinghouse; unsigned bands from around the world donate clips in exchange for exposure, and the proceeds go to global charities rather than global music conglomerates.
"New to you." The most self-consciously dedicated of music fans are obsessed with always finding the very latest thing, often disowning bands if they dare to actually sell a few records. But in music as in cars, "new to you" can be just as good as never used. Comprehensive music guide websites like allmusic.com, which combines detailed background info on specific bands with lists of influences, followers, and virtual "tours" of music from different styles, countries, and decades, can be a great way to head back in time and mine some of the musical scenes you may have missed. Music "maps," like the one at music-map.com, use artificial intelligence algorithms to predict the probability fans of one band will like another; plug in a favorite, and you get an array of possible additions to your music collection. (Looks as if my Seagulls chum should try the British retro-glam band the Darkness.)
It would be nice to think that expanding musical horizons might help keep your brain open to all sorts of new ideas. Recent advances in neuroscience do suggest environmental stimulation can help keep the aging brain nimble, but most of the studies have been done in children, and most of the benefit comes from playing music, not listening to it. Even with the most adventuresome music collection going, it seems, you'll still get old, and probably cranky. At least you'll have a heck of a soundtrack on the way. -Thomas Hayden
Extend your playlist:
IF YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT...
The heartfelt country soul of Patsy Cline...
...YOU JUST MIGHT LIKE
the soulful alt-country of Neko Case
IF YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT...
The heavy, raw energy of Metallica...
...YOU JUST MIGHT LIKE
the driving, beat-heavy jazz sax of David S. Ware
IF YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT...
The melodic genius of The Beatles...
...YOU JUST MIGHT LIKE
the indie-pop whimsy of Of Montreal
IF YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT...
The impeccable delivery of Frank Sinatra...
...YOU JUST MIGHT LIKE
the nouveau-suave crooning of Magnetic Fields
IF YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT...
The jangly art-pop of the Pixies...
...YOU JUST MIGHT LIKE
the Latin rock of Colombia's Aterciopelados
IF YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT...
The outlandish P-Funk of George Clinton...
...YOU JUST MIGHT LIKE
the catchy, flamboyant hip-hop of Outkast
IF YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT...
The new-wave adventure of Talking Heads...
...YOU JUST MIGHT LIKE
the still-exploring fun of ex-frontman David Byrne
15. Read more books
Don't read because it will improve the inner workings of your brain, nor because it will make you seem more cultured to other people. Don't read just because it will give you a greater understanding of the world outside your immediate experience. Read because it is one of life's great pleasures. Listed here are titles to look out for in 2005. And because devouring a good book is like eating a wonderful meal, we've included a couple of cookbooks, too.
FICTION
BAKER TOWERS by Jennifer Haigh; William Morrow. A second novel from Haigh (Mrs. Kimble) tells of a coal-town family after World War II. (Jan.)
PORTUGUESE IRREGULAR VERBS; THE FINER POINTS OF SAUSAGE DOGS; AT THE VILLA OF REDUCED CIRCUMSTANCES by Alexander McCall Smith; Anchor. The beloved Scottish author of the "No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency" series takes on academia in three novellas. (Jan.)
COLLECTED STORIES by Carol Shields; Fourth Estate. This collection features the late author's previously unpublished final story and an introduction by fellow Canadian Margaret Atwood. (Feb.)
TALES ^ by H. P. Lovecraft; Library of America. Spooky, creepy, eerie, yucky: Lovecraft (1890-1937) continues to influence generations of writers and readers. The stories in this volume were chosen by horror writer Peter Straub. (Feb.)
IRELAND by Frank Delaney; HarperCollins. An epic novel of history and storytelling by a Tipperary-born journalist. (Feb.)
SATURDAY by Ian McEwan; Nan A. Talese/Doubleday. From the author of Atonement, this novel takes place on a single day in 2003, during a massive peace protest in London. (March)
THE POSITION by Meg Wolitzer; Scribner. What happens if your parents write a bestselling sex manual? In the hands of Wolitzer ( Surrender, Dorothy ), you know it's going to be something good. (March)
LIGHTHOUSEKEEPING by Jeanette Winterson; Harcourt. The latest from the author of Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit. (April)
A SLIGHT TRICK OF THE MIND by Mitch Cullin; Nan A. Talese/Doubleday. The legendary Sherlock Holmes is 93 and retired to a Sussex farmhouse. (April)
EXTREMELY LOUD & INCREDIBLY CLOSE by Jonathan Safran Foer; Houghton Mifflin . The much-awaited second novel from the author of Everything Is Illuminated . (April)
NONFICTION
ASTRO TURF: THE PRIVATE LIFE OF ROCKET SCIENCE by M. G. Lord; Walker. Cultural critic Lord ( Forever Barbie ) explores her childhood and her father's work at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. (Jan.)
BLINK by Malcolm Gladwell; Little, Brown. New Yorker writer Gladwell has made it his business to examine why people act the way they do. This time, he turns his eye to the quick decision-making process. (Jan.)
DEAR SENATOR by Essie Mae Washington-Williams and William Stadiem; ReganBooks/HarperCollins. Memoir by the long-concealed African-American daughter of Strom Thurmond. (Feb.)
THE ORIENTALIST: SOLVING THE MYSTERY OF A STRANGE AND DANGEROUS LIFE by Tom Reiss; Random House. Lev Nussimbaum was born Jewish in 1905, escaped the Russian Revolution, and turned up in Germany as a Muslim prince and bestselling author under the Nazis. That's just the beginning of this bizarre tale. (Feb.)
JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH: HIS LIFE, HIS POLITICS, HIS ECONOMICS by Richard Parker; Farrar Straus & Giroux. The authorized biography of one of the most prominent economists of our time. (Feb.)
HISTORY ON TRIAL: MY DAY IN COURT WITH DAVID IRVING by Deborah E. Lipstadt; Ecco. A blow-by-blow account of historian Lipstadt's court battle with the infamous Holocaust denier. (Feb.)
PONZI'S SCHEME: THE TRUE STORY OF A FINANCIAL LEGEND by Mitchell Zuckoff; Random House. Portrait of the man behind the mischief. (March)
LEAVING THE SAINTS by Martha Beck; Crown. A daughter of "Mormon royalty" departs the fold. (March)
1776 by David McCullough; Simon & Schuster. The Pulitzer Prize-winning historian (John Adams) turns his attention to the Revolutionary War. (May)
COOKBOOKS
THE ART OF COOKING: THE FIRST MODERN COOKERY BOOK by Maestro Martino of Como; U. of Calif. This Renaissance gastronomer was the first celebrity chef. With 50 modernized recipes. (Jan.)
THE INSTANT COOK by Donna Hay; Fourth Estate. The Aussie makes it easy. (May) -Sara Sklaroff
16. Have more sex
Need an excuse to skip that performance evaluation with your boss and take a long lunch? Two economists say that regular sex brings people as much happiness as a $50,000-a-year raise--so no need to kiss up to your boss if kissing your partner is more fun. David Blanchflower of Dartmouth College and Andrew Oswald of Warwick University set out to track people's lifestyles and happiness in a series of research papers, and when it comes to the importance of sex, their conclusion couldn't be more plain: "The more sex," they write, "the happier the person."
The real surprise here might not be how much we enjoy sex but why we need a couple of economists to tell us so. The pleasure we get from sexual contact is hard-wired, like nature's incentive plan to keep us propagating the species. But there are more benefits to safe, consensual sex than just fulfilling an evolutionary requirement. As more and more researchers are finding, it can be awfully good for your physical and mental health as well.
Studies show that sex may reduce prostate and breast cancer risk, boost immunity, relieve stress, and burn 180 calories for a half hour, making it a pretty good workout. It shoots mood-boosting hormones through the system, builds intimacy between partners, and generally just feels pretty darn good.
Quality control. Still, somewhere between the kids, the dishes, and that performance evaluation at work, the importance of sex in our lives can get lost. We don't need a reason to have sex, in other words; we need to find ways to make it happen. Americans have intercourse an average of 64 times a year, enough for most of us to be walking around as if we've got $50,000 in our pockets, according to Blanchflower and Oswald. But sex experts say that it's quality, not quantity, that counts: "It's not a question of how often, but how pleasurable and how interesting," says Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the woman who gave frank answers about sex to generations of people and author of 30 books on the subject. And what counts as pleasurable and interesting for one person, she says, may send shudders through another. Knowing your own likes and dislikes and embracing them can help alleviate a common block to a satisfying sex life: anxiety about what is "OK." Westheimer says that when it comes to sex, "OK" is all about personal preference: "That word normal, in terms of sexual relationships, has to be thrown out." Masturbation is one way to get in touch with your own desires, in addition to helping relieve stress and standing in when you don't have access to the real thing--or when you just feel like a little alone time. In men, there's evidence that self-induced orgasms can increase immune cell production. (The female orgasm, to science and to many men, remains mostly a mystery.)
Couples, especially when they've been together a while, sometimes fall victim to another big libido killer: monotony. That's when a little creativity and a sense of humor can come in handy. Claire Cavanah, co-owner of the woman-friendly sex shop Toys in Babeland, says it's important to approach sex with a playful attitude. Her website and stores in Seattle and New York sell everything from creative condoms to sex toys that make even a naughty nurse blush. But you don't have to be an exhibitionist or an acrobat to enjoy them. "Sex toys are really a conversation starter about sex," says Cavanah.
And talking, experts agree, is one of the most essential ingredients in a healthy sex life. "Make sure to tell the other how pleased you are to have them in your life," advises Westheimer. Despite the popularity of Sex and the City, women still sometimes have a harder time than men expressing their desires, says Sandra Leiblum, coauthor of Getting the Sex You Want: A Woman's Guide to Becoming Proud, Passionate, and Pleased in Bed . Discussing sex, both your desires and your problems, builds intimacy between partners, she says, and helps each learn how to make the other happy.
But whether you measure the benefits of sex through your health, your relationship, or your income, perhaps the most important thing is just to relax and enjoy it. "People who have good sex realize that it doesn't have to be perfect," says Leiblum. They just have to enjoy the practice. -Elizabeth Querna
17-25 Organize
Not everyone is born with the neatness gene. But it can be a learned behavior, and the result is more time, space, and energy to devote to the important things in life. Getting your finances under control, maintaining better files, kicking the clutter habit for good--these are hard steps to take, but the rewards are enormous.
17. Fix your finances
Every year, we vow to improve our finances, just as we resolve to lose weight and get healthy.
Yeah, right.
Increasing your financial fitness is a lot more difficult than shedding a few pounds. But there are little things you can do to stay true to your plans. Call it the Ron Popeil school of personal finance: the "set it and forget it" method. "How do we pay our taxes, for the most part?" asks Columbus, Ohio-based financial planner Peggy Ruhlin. "Automatically," either through payroll deduction when it comes to income taxes or at the registers when it comes to sales taxes. "How do we put money into the Social Security system? Automatically."
Let's start with savings. Studies show that about 6 in 10 workers are currently saving for retirement. Yet most nonsavers can afford to sock away $20 a week. Even those who are already saving say they can afford to set aside an additional $20 a week. If you were to save $20 a week for 30 years, earning a modest 5 percent each year, you'd amass nearly $73,000.
Look, Ma, no hands! Setting your savings on autopilot can help you stay disciplined. For example, employer-sponsored 401(k)'s are a great way of automatically putting away, say, 5 to 10 percent of your pretax salary. Many parents can set up automatic payroll deductions into a 529 college savings account. Or they can sign up for an automatic savings plan with a mutual fund company or bank.
When it comes to investing, academic research clearly shows that the most important decision is determining what percentage of your portfolio should be invested in stocks versus bonds versus cash. Yet most investors spend most of their time trying to pick the hot stock or fund. "I don't think I've ever met a prospective client who's ever had an asset allocation plan," says Ruhlin. Here, too, you can put your plan on autopilot. In recent years, a slew of new mutual funds have popped up that make this decision for you. So-called asset allocation funds are offered by most of the major fund companies and 401(k) plans.
Asset allocation is only half the battle. At least once a year, you'll have to reset it. Why? Say you start out with a fifty-fifty stock-bond portfolio. And say that stocks lose 20 percent of their value but bonds gain 10 percent. Your portfolio would become 42 percent stocks/58 percent bonds, which could be too conservative for your needs. Asset allocation funds can bring you back into balance.
Plan. Beyond your investment portfolio, a fundamental step that all households should undertake is to create an overall financial plan, including a detailed budget. Can't commit to that? There is a slightly simpler alternative, says Patti Brennan, president of Key Financial, a financial planning firm in West Chester, Pa. Just figure out what you need to set aside each month to cover your expenses. Then set a savings target--for example, to max out your 401(k)'s and IRA s. Put that savings plan on autopilot and then feel free to spend whatever's left.
Finally, the asset that most households fail to manage at all is their credit. Your credit score, or FICO--a three-digit figure from 300 to 850, with 850 being the best--will determine not only your interest rate on a mortgage or car loan but whether you'll get a loan at all. Your FICO is based on information found in credit reports maintained by the three major credit bureaus: Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion. Yet studies have shown that nearly a third of all credit reports have some discrepancies in them. It's your job, unfortunately, to make sure they get it right.
By the end of 2005, a new law will allow consumers a free annual copy of their credit report from one of the three credit agencies. For a fee, the three offer an automated system that notifies you via E-mail whenever credit information is added to your file. Don't let a small oversight torpedo your financial success. -Paul J. Lim
Saving money
18. Cut back on the fees. You can't change the stock market, but you can decide what percentage of your winnings brokers and mutual funds skim off the top.
19. Rebalance investments. At least once a year, take some of your winnings from a hot asset (like equities in 2003) and invest in an underperforming asset (like bonds).
20. Freeze your credit cards. Literally: Put your plastic in a bag, then freeze it in a container of water. If you get the urge to splurge, at least you'll have to wait for it to thaw.
21. Plan for the worst. Ready for that financial disaster? Set aside three to six months' worth of expenses--in a money market account, where you won't be tempted to spend it.
22. Refigure your FICO. How do you improve your FICO (credit score)? Get credit card balances down, pay all bills on time, and don't seek more credit than you absolutely need.
23. Make an emergency plan
Like most Californians, Robin Ibrahim, her husband, and their three young daughters were asleep when a massive earthquake wracked the Northridge area in the wee hours of Jan. 17, 1994. Ibrahim, a University of California-Los Angeles extension manager, was moderately prepared for the disaster, but after the quake she decided she needed to step up her efforts: "It's not just myself anymore; it's my family I have to worry about."
Exhausted by terror alerts of all hues? Bracing for the next flood/hurricane/tornado/earthquake? Still recovering from the blackout of '03? Rather than going through life in a miasma of anxiety, you can take a few simple steps to prepare for the worst--and put your mind at ease once and for all.
That doesn't mean outfitting your home like a forward base in Iraq's Sunni Triangle. "We don't need to protect ourselves from every weapon or disaster," says Henry Fischer, director of the Center for Disaster Research and Education at Pennsylvania's Millersville University. "But heck, we can have the basic supplies to keep us alive and safe for 72 hours" --the amount of time emergency planners estimate it would take to get basic services running again after a disaster.
The American Red Cross lines it up this way: Make a plan, build a kit, and get trained. Your plan should include two places for your family to meet in an emergency, one just outside your home and another outside your neighborhood, and the phone number of an out-of-state friend who can serve as a contact. Try to conduct practice runs and remind children of the plan once or twice a year. Your kit should provide 1 gallon of water per person per day and a three-day supply of non-perishable food that requires no refrigeration or cooking, and little or no water. Don't forget the manual can opener and eating utensils. But be realistic when shopping for the foodstuffs, says firefighter Jarvis Willis, a Los Angeles-based Community Emergency Response Team (CERT) instructor: "This is not a survival camping trip."
You'll also want extra clothing appropriate for your climate; cash in $1s and $5s (ATM s may be inaccessible during a disaster); a battery-powered radio and flashlight (with extra batteries); a first-aid kit; and plastic sheeting and duct tape to "shelter in place." Keep copies of important family records (insurance, bank account data) in a waterproof, portable container, and refresh supplies of prescription medication.
Finally, it's a good idea to make sure at least one adult in the household has some first-aid and emergency training. Ibrahim took that route: She enrolled in the Los Angeles Fire Department's seven-week CERT program. "I feel so much better than I did after the earthquake," she says. "I can have some control." -Samantha Levine
24. Master your data
Everything you need is stored on your home PC, from your long-lost cousin's unlisted phone number to that picture of Gram from her 90th birthday party to the Nirvana songs you ripped into MP3s. There's just one problem. You don't have a clue where you put them.
Sure, Microsoft Windows has a search button that might find your missing data . . . eventually. Scanning a big hard drive could take an hour, and even then you might not find your quarry. And perhaps you've wondered: If Google and Yahoo!'s search engines can almost instantly rummage through billions of Web pages, then why, oh why, can't I find stuff on my PC?
The folks behind the Web searchers have wondered that, too. Now they've come up with a way to improve the quality of your electronic life--new products that scour your hard drive, the digital closet where E-mail, letters, and music go to hide, sometimes never to be seen again. You no longer need remember which drive, folder, subfolder, and file name conceals your cousin's number. Like ferrets, the software will flush their prey out of hiding.
The new tools work quickly because they've done the heavy lifting before you start a search. Operating in the background while you use your PC and/or when you don't, they build an index of every word on your computer--much as Google builds an index of websites. It's the index, and not your hard drive itself, that is searched. After you download the new tools and figure out how they work, they'll bring some order to your horribly disorganized PC.
The top performer in this young and fast-growing class is X1, developed by a small Pasadena, Calif., company and sold for $75 at x1.com. X1 excels at the number of file types that it scans: more than 225, from Adobe graphics to compressed Zips. X1 also displays file contents, making it easy to see your results. Best of all, it'll be free next month, when Web giant Yahoo! starts giving X1 away, though updated versions will still be sold at X1's site.
Choose me. Yahoo!'s seemingly altruistic act is actually a response to a threat posed by archrival Google, the king of Web search, in the battle for brand loyalty (not to mention potential ad revenue). Google has invented the Google Desktop Search, a clone of Google's online search engine. A "beta" or test version came out this fall; changes are planned, but it's deemed good enough for consumers to try. Also available free (at google.com ), desktop Google is as fast as Web Google but so far can search only about 10 of the most common file types, primarily those created by Web browsers and by Microsoft Office. The final version is sure to be more versatile, though Google isn't saying what else it might do or when it will be released.
Microsoft, meanwhile, has released a test version of its own desktop-rummaging software (downloadable at msn.com ), as has Ask Jeeves ( ask.com ), another Web search engine. America Online is said to be readying one, and Apple promises a good file finder in a system upgrade this spring. And since the programs are all free--so far--and most of them don't use much memory, you can load up several.
This burst of corporate generosity may mask a hidden agenda. Privacy advocates worry that the new desktop software could learn what's on your hard drive and post ads when you call up the program. Google execs, for one, say they have no such plans. Then again, Gmail, Google's free Web mail service, does openly take cues from your messages to serve up relevant ads.
Privacy concerns aside, X1 and competitors can only ease, not solve, data overload. The new PC search programs, for example, can't find a picture unless you've tied a name to the file, perhaps by renaming it or typing text into the file's Windows "properties" box (which few folks ever do). Likewise, none of the programs can find lyrics in an MP3 song (although some can find a file based on descriptive text that is automatically added when the files are created).
Of course, there are other ways to track down your PC's data. Some users carefully file E-mail, as well as digital documents and music. Others type all phone numbers in a text file. Those who do not trust electronica may record file names, passwords, and whatnot in a notebook. All these methods might be helpful. But once you try X1 or one of its rivals, you won't be able to remember how you got along without them. -David LaGesse
25. Learn to file really well
When Brooklynites John Hessler and Katia Sainson first talked about moving in together in 1992, there naturally were some issues to address. "We had passionate discussions about whether or not I was organized enough," Sainson says. "He said, 'I don't know if I can commit to you.' He was worried about how I kept some of my books piled on the floor." Hessler was also baffled by his girlfriend's bookshelves, which were arranged in chronological, rather than alphabetical, order.
The two eventually overcame their differences. Now married, they moved to a two-bedroom apartment in Baltimore six years ago. Their expansive book collections, which total nearly 5,000 volumes, remain separated, but Sainson no longer piles hers on the floor. And Hessler has learned to leave her stuff alone, at least in theory. "I realized I can't control every aspect of these objects," he says of his wife's books, as he reaches to straighten the only book in her home office that's slightly askew.
It may seem like a minor sticking point, but for Hessler, 44, organization is a way of life. As a cartographic technician for the Library of Congress, Hessler spends his days mostly alone and very content in the bowels of Washington's massive library. He files maps, atlases, and globes that librarians have pulled out for the researching public. The library estimates it houses 5 million maps, but no one knows the exact figure since only about 200,000 have been cataloged since an electronic filing system was implemented in 1970.
Hessler starts his days early, usually rising by 5 a.m., and he tackles them efficiently from the moment his eyes open. Within 45 minutes, Sainson says, Hessler has risen, showered, dressed, made the bed, had a cup of tea, fixed both his and her lunches, and made a quick trip to Starbucks for their coffees to go. He's at his desk by 7:30 and hits the shelves shortly after settling in.
Mapped out. A stack of maps, individually sandwiched in what look like massively oversize manila folders, awaits him on a rolling cart in the main filing area. The basement that houses the maps division is a space the size of three football fields with a sea of dark gray filing cabinets. Each cabinet has five drawers, which hold as many as 50 maps each, and cabinets are stacked five high. The filing system is primarily organized by geography: by country, then region, then counties or states, and finally cities, with each section in chronological order. But the place can't keep up with the changing nature of the world. Maps of Vietnam are still housed in the "French Indochina" section, Russian maps in the "U.S.S.R." area. Treasure maps, maps of unidentified places, and fantasy maps all have their own sections.
But the rare-maps vault is where Hessler spends most of his time, and it is where his job really intersects with his passions. Behind an unmarked door, a room kept at a cool 61 degrees is home to any map, atlas, or globe deemed "rare" by a designated committee, mostly items older than 200 years. If there is such a thing as the rare-map guy in the U.S. government, Hessler is it.
Fit, with a slight receding hairline and horn-rimmed glasses, Hessler has a degree from Villanova University in mathematics and engineering and a reading knowledge of Latin and ancient Greek. The part of his job he loves most is studying the ancient drawings and examining the mathematics and philosophies behind them. His current obsession is the Library of Congress's most expensive purchase ever: the $10 million, 1507 world map by Martin Waldseemuller, which was the first to include shapes of North and South America and the first to be labeled with the name "America." Hessler has examined Waldseemuller's techniques and mathematical calculations, as well as his Latin writings, to determine exactly how the mapmaker knew what he did in 1507. "To have the run of a collection this size is something very few people have the privilege to do," Hessler says. "And I like that I don't have to work with the public at all. I only interact with the materials and my colleagues. And rarely my colleagues."
Tours come through the vault on occasion, and he does have reason to consult with the division's curator and collection manager. But for the most part, Hessler is left alone to go about his shelving and research as he wishes. He often returns to his desk before lunch to find no new E-mails or voice mails. "It's a low-pressure job," he says.
Neat by nature. Hessler--who has done stints at the National Archives and the Smithsonian Institution--says he isn't surprised he ended up working for the Library of Congress. He met his wife while working for a bookstore in Manhattan, and the couple spends at least one weekend per month back in New York, strolling through the city's used bookstores. He admits that he "moves stuff around" in the shops when he sees books out of place, but he insists his obsession for order does not extend beyond books.
Still, the minimalist decor in his apartment, his tidy desk at work, and the way he measures out ingredients in individual dishes before fixing dinner suggest otherwise. It's the way he has always been, he says, not the way he has become by imposing organizational policies on himself. And he says he has made a habit of it simply to improve his lifestyle. "The only reason I organize everything is to get the crappy stuff out of the way," Hessler says. "Being organized allows you to have larger chunks of time to do what you want to do."
Hessler's words of wisdom for those who might be struggling to keep things in order? "Always be flexible," he says. "Whatever system you have set up, remember not to rely on it too heavily, because it may need to be changed." The filing system for the library's maps was created around the turn of the 20th century, so Hessler has little control over its change. Still, he recognizes its flaws and adjusts accordingly. He finds himself regularly looking for an item that isn't where it should be, and he's learned quite a bit of what he calls the "psychology of misplacing."
And even Hessler is not above reconsidering his own systems of personal organization. The bookshelves lining one wall of his living room hold his most used books, primarily on Greek philosophy and history. But they are not arranged by subject matter or in alphabetical order. They are in chronological order, the very methodology that "made no sense" when he moved in with his girlfriend so many years ago. -Megan Barnett
26-46 Get Well
In the end, they say, your health is all you have. If that's true, too many people are still squandering their most precious resources. Still, it's not too late to change. Whether it's eating better food, getting enough sleep, or finally tossing the smokes, you can feel better (and maybe even live longer).
26. Exercise, a little
For more than 25 years, Joanne Ikeda, a nutrition education specialist at the University of California-Berkeley, had been telling clients to exercise. But the truth is, she didn't follow her own advice.
"I used to take Jazzercise, but I was such a klutz," she says. She tried exercise classes at night. "I was too exhausted." Her husband went to the gym every morning, but she couldn't make herself go with him. Then, about seven years ago, she made a decision: "I started walking every morning with my dog."
Up and down the hills of her California neighborhood she went, 20 minutes at first, then 30 minutes, at a moderate pace, then a little faster. "In the first year, my dog lost 7 pounds, and I lost nothing," she says. But Ikeda, 60, wasn't trying to lose weight. "I'm overweight, just like most of us," she says. "But the thing is, I've maintained my weight over all these years since I started walking."
Silver bullet. The benefits that come from daily exercise read like the U.S. surgeon general's wish list: It reduces the risk of heart disease, stroke, Type II diabetes, breast and colon cancer, osteoporosis, and overall mortality; lowers blood pressure and blood sugar levels; reduces body fat, builds lean muscle, and prevents weight gain; increases good HDL cholesterol and reduces the harmful LDL; enhances self-esteem; alleviates depression and anxiety; and slows cognitive decline and disability among older adults. Exercise can even improve sex--in one study, a group of sedentary men who began exercising an hour three or four times a week found that they experienced more frequent sexual activity, better orgasms, and greater satisfaction.
But the fact is a majority of Americans do not relish the wonders of exercise. So what's the very minimum amount of exercise that will keep the gym-averse healthy? The federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that adults accumulate a mere 30 minutes of exercise per day, on most or preferably all days. This is a level that can reduce cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and other serious chronic illnesses. To lose weight or maintain a large weight loss, it takes more: The Institute of Medicine recommends accumulating 60 minutes of activity each day to achieve a healthy weight. "The key word here is accumulate, " says Marcia Stefanick, professor of medicine at Stanford University. "You don't have to do all 30 minutes--or 60--at once. You can do three 10-minute bouts."
Indeed, she says, the whole notion of exercise is undergoing a "paradigm shift." For decades, exercise has been synonymous with aerobics classes, Spandex, and pumping iron. And that's not the way it has to be. "I'm not opposed to going to the gym," says Steven Blair, a fitness expert and president and CEO of the Cooper Institute in Dallas. "But we've been pushing that idea for 20 years and we have something like 15 percent of the population doing it."
More realistic, says Thomas Wadden, director of the University of Pennsylvania Weight and Eating Disorders Program, is the small steps approach: "Take the stairs; park farther away from your destination; walk the dog." Yes, you've probably heard these ideas all your life. But they happen to work.
Wadden is a big proponent of pedometers, those little devices worn on a belt or waistband that count the steps one takes in a day. "They're a wonderful prompt," says Wadden, who adds that most people find they average about 3,000 steps a day. An increase to 5,000 or 6,000 steps, or adding about a mile, makes a big difference. Remember, he counsels, "You burn the same amount of calories if you walk a mile or run a mile." Wadden has just completed a study of 179 people: One third were assigned to a supervised, gym-based walking program, one third to a similar home-based program, and the final third were given step counters and told to walk 5,000 steps more a day. After 40 weeks, all achieved similar health benefits.
Ikeda and her dog, Lady, discovered that truth years ago. "My dog has come to expect the walk--she's turned out to be very motivating," says Ikeda. "I sweat; I breathe heavily; I think it's a good workout." Lady would have to agree. "She's 14 now, but she bounds up the stairs like a puppy again!" -Amanda Spake
27. Go to bed
Go ahead, go to bed. A full night of sleep helps you learn new skills, solve problems?and maybe even lose weight, according to new research.
28. Quit smoking
Getting a group of doctors to agree on something is like herding cats. Lab-coated, illegible-writing, bestethoscoped cats. But there is one point on which they are unanimous: If you're a smoker, you should quit. Tobacco is the leading preventable cause of mortality, responsible for 435,000 deaths a year in the United States. Smoking also exacerbates other conditions, like diabetes and asthma. Of course, if you smoke, you probably know that. Just like you know that it causes lung and heart disease, stinks up your breath and clothes, and elicits dirty looks from strangers. You also probably want to quit--maybe you have tried, and failed, before.
Why not make this the year you succeed? While there is still no silver bullet that makes quitting a snap, researchers are learning more about how to improve your odds. The first step: Don't toss your butts right away. Smoking-cessation experts say it's a bad idea to quit impulsively, without setting up a plan. A better idea is to ask for help. Counseling, even for just a few sessions, improves the odds of quitting successfully, researchers say. You can check out your state's quitline, if it has one, or the new federal website www.smokefree.gov or phone line (1-800-quitnow) to find local help. Good counseling should include information, motivation, and tips. The more sessions, the better, but that doesn't have to mean face time; help by phone is available. Another option: The University of California-San Francisco and U.C.-San Diego are testing different methods of online advice (sign up at www.stopsmoking.ucsf.edu ).
Cut the cues. And what about those first few days, when withdrawal is at its worst? The key is to remove as many cues as possible that used to signal "I need a smoke." Toss your ashtrays. Don't sit in your easy chair if it still reeks of your favorite brand. Avoid coffee, if you usually take it with a cigarette. "Spend time with nonsmoking friends," advises Jack Hollis, senior investigator at Kaiser Permanente's Center for Health Research. And "plan the quit date for a time of low stress--but not idle time," when you have nothing to do but think about the cigarettes you're not smoking.
Specialists also advise seeking out pharmacological help. Nicotine replacements nearly double the odds of quitting, says Marc Mooney, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Texas Health Science Center. Gum, patches, nasal spray: They all seem to work equally well, so pick the one that most appeals to you. (And don't worry that you're substituting one habit for another. Because of how the substitutes deliver nicotine, you won't get the same rush.) Certain antidepressants are also helpful: Buproprion, sold under the names Zyban and Wellbutrin, increases the odds of quitting about the same as nicotine replacements.
If time and money permit, go whole hog. "You get the best quit rates when you give it everything you've got: psychological counseling, nicotine, and antidepressants," says Ricardo Munoz, chief psychologist at San Francisco General Hospital. But if you still find yourself backsliding by Groundhog Day, don't beat yourself up; just start planning a new attempt. Every try increases the odds that you're done with cigarettes for good. With success, you'll be cheering more than good health. Says Anne Joseph of the University of Minnesota's Transdisciplinary Tobacco Use Research Center: "More than feeling good physically, people [who quit] are really happy and proud of themselves." -Katherine Hobson
Eating Better
29. Try greener greens. Swap spinach for iceberg; it's still low-cal, but the darker color means more nutrients. Crave the crunch? Romaine rules among lettuces.
30. Consider cantaloupe. A single medium-sized cantaloupe has more vitamin A and C than an apple, orange, and banana combined--and fewer calories, to boot.
31. Wipe out white. White foods--bread, rice, cake, cookies--contain calorie-heavy, nutrient-light refined carbohydrates. Cut back to reduce risk of diabetes and heart disease.
32. Toss the can. Americans guzzle about 15 billion gallons of soda a year, and all that sugar adds extra pounds. Drink water instead--your skin will thank you, too.
33. Treat yourself. When you do indulge, spring for the real thing--in moderation. Eating richer desserts will leave you more satisfied and less likely to go for seconds.
34. Get married
Years ago, while officiating at a wedding, the late Supreme Court justice Harry Blackmun cautioned the bride and groom: "A wedding is an event; a marriage is an achievement."
Now it turns out that tying the knot--like so many things that require hard work--is also good for you. The latest evidence came from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which reported last week that married people are healthier physically and psychologically than their single counterparts. They are also "better off financially and report having better sex lives," says Kristi Williams, an assistant professor of sociology at Ohio State University. In a culture that "fetishizes" marriage, notes Bella DePaulo, author of the forthcoming Singled Out , the benefits of getting hitched are ubiquitous. Two-for-one meal coupons, discounted health club memberships, and travel packages are often available only to the wedded at the expense--literally--of those flying solo. And don't forget the official advantages: Though U.S. income tax law has sometimes favored single taxpayers over dual-income married couples filing together, Congress recently voted to extend relief for the income tax "marriage penalty." It was the rare exception, anyway. A 1997 Government Accountability Office study totaled up 1,049 laws in the U.S. Code that are contingent on marital status. If you're married, says DePaulo, "politicians are always worried about you."
Three decades ago, at the height of the women's liberation movement, sociologist Jessie Bernard argued in her landmark book The Future of Marriage that the venerable institution was a boon for husbands but a bust for their wives. Subsequent researchers have found that in fact there are perks for both genders. But not all the advantages are equal, says Linda Waite, coauthor of The Case for Marriage. "The physical benefits are bigger for men. For financial well-being, the benefits are bigger for women."
Still, a study comparing the salaries of identical twins found that the married brothers earned 27 percent more than their single siblings. Why is anyone's guess, says Robert Town, a professor of public health at the University of Minnesota and coauthor of the study. Is the windfall merely the result of a societal bias in favor of married men? Or does the tendency among most married couples to divide up the household chores give husbands extra hours to spend at the office?
Life partners. Married men also enjoy the ultimate advantage over their single peers: They live up to five years longer. Under a wife's watchful eye, one theory goes, husbands eat better, go to the doctor more, and drink and smoke less than single men--though they're more likely to gain weight. But simply being married is not always enough, says Jamila Bookwala of Lafayette College; quality counts, too. A study released in 2003 found that middle-aged women involved in satisfying marriages were less likely to show signs of emotional distress and to develop the risk factors that can lead to heart disease than those who were unhappily married or single. Bookwala's study of men and women ages 50 and over found that marriages marked by conflict correlated with poor physical and emotional health--thereby undoing any marital advantage.
And happiness is not guaranteed. A survey published in 2003 that followed more than 24,000 people in Germany over 15 years found that those who got married experienced only a temporary--and slight--bump in "life satisfaction" but that they had also been more content with their lives before the wedding bells chimed than their nonmarried peers. Iris Krasnow, the author of the bestselling book Surrendering to Marriage , puts it this way: "If you're not happy with yourself when you walk down the aisle, marriage is not going to make you happy."
Luckily for some of us, while there's still a stigma attached to singlehood, it's easier now than it's ever been. And there's a certain freedom to being on your own that Margo Howard, author of Slate 's advice column, "Dear Prudence," sums up as "an exquisite selfishness": You get to eat cereal for dinner. -Linda Kulman
35. Eat more veggies
Not yet convinced you should eat your vegetables? Recent studies show veggies combat cardiovascular disease, obesity, even asthma. So just do it!
Staying safe
36. Wear your bike helmet. About 67,000 cyclists end up in emergency rooms with head injuries each year; wearing a helmet cuts the risk of injury by at least 45 percent.
37. Watch out for deer. Collisions with these critters kill some 150 people a year. Studies say deer whistles don't work; paying attention--especially at dusk and dawn--does.
38. Install a carbon monoxide detector. Fumes from faulty fuel-burning appliances can kill. You can't see or smell the gas, so it's impossible to detect by yourself.
39. Get a paper shredder. Unsolicited credit card offers can give identity thieves all the info they need to open an account in your name. Shred 'em before you pitch 'em.
40. Peer in the dark corners. Especially during winter when insects are usually dormant, check the attic, basement, and garage for signs of bees and other potentially perilous bugs.
41. Become a birder
'That's one strange-looking raptor," says Jim Waggener as he peers through a pair of binoculars. The bird, a chunky hawk with a speckled breast, displays a nearly 5-foot wingspan as it flies through the crisp morning air to a distant tree. Waggener and his three companions race to their cars like police officers in pursuit of a fleeing suspect, pulling up just short of the raptor's new perch, leaving doors wide open to avoid startling their quarry. The four men, veteran birders all, come here to the Occoquan Bay Wildlife Refuge in Northern Virginia every other week, and they're not about to let an odd-looking bird elude their identification or the day's tally.
In a world increasingly paved over with asphalt and circumscribed by walls, getting outside--the real, honest-to-goodness out of doors--is becoming a rare treat. And that might be a big mistake. Studies show that just going outside can reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and improve concentration, to say nothing of the simple pleasure of putting away your cellphone for a few hours and taking a deep breath of unconditioned air. So perhaps it's not surprising that, from adventure tours to high-tech hiking socks, helping people get outdoors has become a multibillion-dollar industry. A hefty chunk of that business includes the 46 million active bird-watchers in the United States--more than double the number in 1982--who together spend almost as much money chasing birds as all Americans spend on movie tickets every year.
For serious birders (who disdain the more passive term "bird-watchers"), that means regular outings to local refuges and parks. They identify and count species throughout the year, and often report the tallies back to scientists who track bird populations and migration patterns. Waggener and his companions survey the Occoquan refuge about three times a month, and Waggener has compiled data from more than 15 years of observations at the refuge. Other major birding hot spots include Nebraska's Platte River, Cape May, N.J., and the J. N. "Ding" Darling wildlife refuge off the west coast of Florida.
Avian slew. By 11:30 this morning, the four men have completed the survey. They counted 58 different species of birds and figured out what kind of bird they saw earlier in the tree. It was an immature rough-legged hawk, particularly notable since that bird summers in the Arctic and rarely dips as far south as Virginia. These rare sightings give a sense of excitement to the day, but it's the affection for both the area and their fellow birders that keeps these men coming back. Norm Smith, one of the Occoquan regulars, says he met his best friend on a birding trip to Chincoteague Island. When the man died years later, he left his binoculars to Smith, who uses them every time he goes out.
David Sibley, the author of the popular Sibley Guide to Birds , had a leg up in the birding world--his father was an ornithologist. But when he started birding as a child, he says, the pursuit was associated with old ladies wearing tennis shoes and squinting through binoculars--"watching the cute little chickadees that come into the yard." Modern birding has little in common with that stereotype, Sibley says. Take the Great Texas Birding Classic, held during spring migration, which attracts sponsored teams of 20-somethings on up, who spend five days traversing the Texas coast competing to spot the most species. The challenge is physical, in terms of how much area is covered and how little sleep each person functions on, but it's also intellectual. Serious birders spend long hours, especially before competitions, studying up on local birds. The National Audubon Society's Christmas Bird Count is a little less extreme, though much more well established. This year, the 105th, Audubon expects more than 55,000 participants who go to fields, wetlands, and forests around the country during December and early January to take a national survey. The count is used as a benchmark for how many birds are in a certain area, and scientists use it to learn population changes over time. Last year's survey counted 654 species of birds.
Testing your wings. But you don't have to be an expert ornithologist--or an extreme athlete--to enjoy birding. Really, all you need is a decent pair of binoculars and a field guide to start. Also, experienced birders say it's a good idea to go with a group for your first few times out to get to know the local species and what to look for to identify birds. And even if you don't want to leave your backyard, a bird feeder can draw in all sorts of interesting fliers.
For Smith, the conversion from recreational bird-watcher to hard-core birder came during a birding trip several years ago to South Texas. "You wake up in the morning and see a green jay 4 feet from your kitchen window," he says. "That'll turn you on." Such moments of avian ecstasy are rare for even the most seasoned birder, but Smith relishes his regular trips to Occoquan just as much. There's the camaraderie, the contribution to ecological monitoring, and the ever present possibility of spotting a species he's never seen before. But perhaps most of all, says Smith, birding "gets me off the couch and out of the house."
Living Healthy
42. Floss your teeth. It not only keeps your smile pretty, but studies suggest flossing might also lower your risk for heart disease and could help prevent stroke.
43. Stretch regularly. Even if you don't have time to exercise, make sure to stretch--gently. You'll keep muscles limber, ease joint pain, improve circulation, and boost energy.
44. Wear the right shoe size. Surprisingly, most of us don't. A bad fit can cause bunions and even serious back problems in later life. Get measured now, feel better later.
45. Breathe. Relaxing improves physical and mental health; when you don't have time to get a manicure or walk the dog, just take 10 deep breaths.
46. Take vitamins-the right vitamins. Most people are fine with just a multivitamin, and taking too much of a lot of different supplements can hurt the body and the wallet.
47-50 Take Stock
Is this the life you want? And if it isn't, how can you tell? It's easy to get so wrapped up in daily stresses that you forget to take a step back and reassess. Sometimes this stock taking means giving more to others; other times it requires tough self-examination. Either way, it is a very good idea.
47. Take up philosophy
On one point, at least, Socrates was wrong: For some folks, the unexamined life is worth living. But for the majority of us muddling-through types who feel our lives could use some tweaking at the edges--and maybe even at the center--a stiff dose of philosophy may be the very ticket. After all, not all life's besetting difficulties are the result of unhappy childhoods or neurochemical imbalances. Sometimes we simply think ourselves into a bad place, seeking dubious goals or reasoning poorly about how to attain them. Most people, as Aristotle said, agree that happiness is the greatest practical good. But finding a more lasting happiness may have something to do with appreciating what some philosophers have called the "absolute good." And whatever that good may be, Americans, it seems, are increasingly engaged in its pursuit.
One person encouraging the trend is Lou Marinoff. Not that he set out to use Socrates or Spinoza to help people lead better lives. Trained as a philosopher of science, Marinoff was doing research at the University of British Columbia's Center for Applied Ethics when, about 15 years ago, something surprising happened. Appearing on TV and radio to address environmental, business, and medical dilemmas, he and other center ethicists started receiving calls from people seeking personal advice. "I had an epiphany," says Marinoff. Meeting with other ethicists, he came up with protocols, formalized procedures, and became, as he puts it, "a philosophical counselor."
Marinoff was not the first. Since the early 1980s, German and Dutch philosophers have engaged in "philosophical practice," a form of intellectual therapy that uses structured dialogues to help people to address, solve, or manage everyday problems. The heart of the technique traces back to Socrates, but the counselor can draw on--and direct his client to--the whole panoply of western and eastern philosophies to help frame or explore issues.
Practice. What Marinoff did was to give the practice professional structure, not least by establishing criteria for distinguishing between medical problems and existential ones. "Philosophical practice comes at the problem of unhappiness from a nonmedical model," he says, "and that can be threatening to some therapeutic professionals." But Marinoff, currently on leave from the philosophy department at the City College of New York, is hardly apologetic about promoting a values-based form of therapy that was around long before psychoanalysis, psychology, or medical treatments.
If philosophical counseling is the most surprising way in which the ancient pursuit is connecting with people from all walks of life, it is hardly the only way. From a lengthening shelf of popular books--including Marinoff's own Plato, Not Prozac! and Alain de Botton's Consolations of Philosophy --to a widening network of public discussion groups to the growing demand for specialists in applied ethics, philosophy has gone public in a big way. But its newfound popularity raises some of the questions that have riddled its practitioners since ancient times: Does philosophy offer certainties or shatter them? Are philosophers a specially trained elite, or can anyone engage in such work?
Renewed debate over those questions may itself be the strongest sign that philosophy is no longer exclusively an esoteric exercise, even within the academy. "There was a period after World War II up until roughly the mid-1970s when philosophy seemed to be doing so much technical stuff that it continued the general trend toward specialization that began in the late 19th century," says Jerome Schneewind, professor emeritus at Johns Hopkins University. The discipline--dominated by analytical philosophers intent on formulating clear and logical propositions--seemed particularly irrelevant during the civil rights struggle and the Vietnam War. But things are changing. Schneewind notes that in philosophy departments across the country, there are now more jobs in applied and theoretical ethics, the history of philosophy, and recent German and French thought than in the core analytic areas of the philosophy of language and epistemology.
But the real action may be taking place beyond the ivied walls--in bookstores, bars, cafes, senior retirement homes, and even prisons. Over coffee, a drink, or sometimes even a meal, participants in these new salons take on a topic such as "alienation," defining the key term or terms and formulating a central question, say, "How do you overcome alienation?" The assorted answers may lead to other questions--such as whether alienation is something we always want to overcome--and further discussion.
Greatly responsible for the rise of such public philosophy is the now deceased Parisian lecturer Marc Sautet. Launching the first cafe-philosophique (or cafe-philo ) at the Cafe des Phares in Paris in 1992, he and a number of associates spawned a worldwide movement that has taken hold in the United States. In New York City, for example, you'll find Sarah Lawrence College Prof. Bernard Roy facilitating a biweekly discussion in an Afghan restaurant; in Washington, D.C., Ken Feldman, a retired energy and environment consultant, convenes a gathering of some 20 to 25 philosophically minded souls about every other Saturday at a French restaurant on Pennsylvania Avenue.
Cafe culture. No American has been more energetic in promoting philosophy for and by the people than Christopher Phillips. A former journalist with a degree in philosophy, Phillips, 45, started his first group in 1996 in a coffeehouse in Montclair, N.J., and quickly went on to launch others around the country. Dubbed Socrates cafes, they differ slightly in approach from cafe-philos. The group, not the facilitator (who changes every gathering), chooses the topic, for example. More significant than the format differences, though, is Phillips's zeal in spreading the method. There are now about 300 Socrates cafes across the nation and in several foreign countries (including several recently founded in Kabul, Afghanistan, by an American relief worker). Phillips's Socrates Cafe is now in its eighth printing, and his more recent Six Questions of Socrates is also selling briskly. But the peripatetic Phillips admits that the well-examined life is not particularly well remunerated. "Socrates lived on a wing and a prayer," he says. "How can I tell others to take sublime risks with their lives if I am preoccupied with getting rich?"
Meanwhile, he worries that as public philosophical inquiry grows, it may become corrupted. "I think if philosophy is going to become a vital part of public life, it's going to have to have integrity to it," he says. "It can't just become a self-help fad." Such strictures make him question efforts to professionalize and certify philosophical counselors. But Marinoff finds that degree of purism excessive. "Integrity is important," he says, "but what does it mean to the consumer who wants a qualified person? People who are going to render some kind of service ideally are trained and qualified to render it."
Whether Americans want to pursue philosophy with a paid professional or in the truly amateur atmosphere of a discussion group or on their own with a book, one thing is abundantly clear: The spirit of Socrates is again abroad in the marketplace. -Jay Tolson
48. Volunteer
Elaine Davis, 61, would rather forget 1997, the year before she began volunteering as a literacy coach at Alain Locke Elementary School in West Philadelphia. She had retired from her job as a clerk at the post office, and with a mild handicap making it hard for her to walk, she spent many hours in front of the television, her agility continuing to decline. Then she saw a magazine ad for Experience Corps, a literacy program; soon she was trekking to school three to four times a week. Within a year, Davis had regained enough strength to walk down the halls without her crutches. "I hate to use the word," she says, sitting in a classroom lined in posters decorated with shiny stars marking children's progress. "But it really saved my life."
She's probably right. For years, studies have shown what do-gooders have sensed all along: Volunteering doesn't just help people on the receiving end; it drastically improves the health and happiness of the giver, too. Elderly volunteers demonstrate a decrease in depression and an increase in overall physical health--and they live longer than their nonvolunteering peers, according to a 2002 University of Michigan study. "It's one of the best ways people over 60 can contribute to their own well-being," says Linda Fried, director of the Center on Aging and Health at Johns Hopkins University. Fried studied Experience Corps volunteers in Baltimore and found, among other things, that 50 percent of her sample group grew strong enough to stop using canes within two years of joining the tutoring program.
But volunteering's benefits are hardly just for the elderly. Child psychologists say that volunteer work helps adolescents and teens build valuable self-esteem and socialization skills. The volunteering-health connection is so strong that academics at the Harvard School of Public Health Center for Health Communication are creating a media campaign to promote volunteering among the soon-to-be-retiring baby boomer set.
Of course, not all volunteer programs are created equal. Though the work may be worthy, you might not get a lot of health benefits out of isolated clerical tasks--like manning phone banks or licking stamps. If you can't avoid office jobs, join up with an organization that will allow you to play a more dynamic role. "Groups that are brand new or a little disorganized can offer amazing opportunities for creative self-starters," says Diana Aviv, president and CEO of the Independent Sector, a Washington research group.
The right dose. Before you jump, be sure to check your datebook. For the elderly or retired, Fried recommends 15 hours a week of volunteer work. "You've got to take a large dose of preventative medicine if you want to see positive health outcomes," she says. But for younger volunteers, it may be important to choose an activity that won't create stress by gobbling up time in an already-strained schedule. Wall Street Volunteers (www .wallstreetvolunteers.org), a group that will launch in New York this March, will allow harried investment bankers and traders to scroll through available programs and choose an appropriate commitment. Other young workers might look for a program that allows them to build crucial skills in a field they may want to switch to later.
Another way to choose a volunteering opportunity is to look at the issues that are important to you. That's what Ann Russell Ashton, a "big-time animal lover" from Baltimore, did. After watching news reports detailing how pit bulls were often used in violent dogfights in inner-city Baltimore, Ashton, 41, ended up starting her own rescue service for the breed. "Because I love this--I really, really love this--every animal saved is like a little slice of heaven," she says.
But perhaps the sweetest success of volunteering is not the way it affects individual lives but the way it alters a community as a whole. "There's nothing like giving to someone else and realizing you are strengthening the fundamental fabric of society," says Aviv. "Volunteering increases a person's sense of responsibility and strengthens our political culture." It also encourages even more volunteering:"The children and the friends I've made through this organization are like angels to me," Davis says. "I just want to keep on giving." -Angie C. Marek
49. Get a new look
If you're still wearing shoulder pads, it's time to get a new look. Updating your wardrobe with a few key items can make a world of difference.
50. Forgive
Amy Biehl died a violent death. In 1993, the 26-year-old white Fulbright scholar was registering black voters for South Africa's first free election when she was dragged out of her car and stabbed and beaten to death by a mob of black Africans spurred by a group intent on the violent overthrow of the apartheid government.
Soon afterward, Amy's parents, Linda and Peter Biehl, quit their jobs and moved from Orange County, Calif., to South Africa, where they established a foundation in Amy's name. Today, two of her killers work for the foundation. They call Linda Biehl "Makhulu," or grandmother, and she treats them as her sons. "Forgiving is looking at ourselves and saying, 'I don't want to go through life feeling hateful and revengeful, because that's not going to do me any good,' " says Biehl. "We took Amy's lead. We did what we felt she would want."
Major world religions have long considered forgiveness one of the most important human virtues. Jesus's radical forgiveness is the foundation of Christianity; Judaism's high holy days, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, are focused on atonement; Buddhism calls for ceaseless empathy and compassion toward all beings, especially enemies; in the Koran, the angel Gabriel tells Mohammed to set aside vengeful anger. And from the Bhagavad Gita, a classic Hindu text: "If you want to see the brave, look for those who can forgive. If you want to see the heroic, look at those who can love in return for hatred."
While theologians differ on what constitutes true forgiveness, academics in the still-new field of forgiveness studies have come to an uneasy definition: "It's something that happens inside the forgiver when he lets go of negative emotions," says Everett Worthington, a psychology professor at Virginia Commonwealth University. As head of A Campaign for Forgiveness Research, he has given out over $5 million to researchers studying everything from the effect of forgiveness on the immune system of HIV patients to reconciliation behaviors in monkeys. "It's not condoning, excusing, justifying, or reconciling," he says.
A healthy choice. And if peace of mind isn't enough, researchers have also found that forgiveness provides significant health benefits. Fred Luskin, director of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, says that nursing a grudge raises blood pressure, depletes immune function, makes you more easily depressed, and causes enormous stress to the entire body. "You lose the sense that you can master your own life," says Luskin.
Still, some criticize current forgiveness research for promoting what Christian theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer calls "cheap grace": forgiveness that is undeserved, immoral, or even harmful. Imagine the battered woman who continually forgives and thus places herself, and possibly her children, in further danger. And indeed, there may be trespasses that are too vast to forgive. In his book The Sunflower, the Nazi hunter Simon Wiesenthal writes about a dying Nazi soldier who asked for forgiveness for committing atrocities against the Jews. Wiesenthal just turned away.
"Some people see forgiveness as a panacea," says Solomon Schimmel, author of Wounds Not Healed by Time: The Power of Repentance and Forgiveness and professor of Jewish education and psychology at Hebrew College. "And that everyone is obligated to forgive every injury or crime. Real forgiveness is an inner transformation, and it takes a lot of work on the part of both the victim and perpetrator. To ask a victim for radical forgiveness can be unrealistic and morally unjustifiable."
For those who do decide to forgive, researchers stress that it's important to begin by acknowledging that you've been hurt. Then try to empathize with the person who hurt you. Look beyond your personal experience, and place the hurt in context with world events. Finally, decide to let go of the weight and stress of your anger for your own benefit. Forgiveness is an ongoing process; the anger will very likely come back. "It'll just be weaker and weaker," says Luskin, "until it loses the intensity, and that's where you find freedom."
At 61, Linda Biehl is now widowed and living most of the time in South Africa. Daughter Amy has been dead for 11 years, and since then, she says, "so many wonderful things have happened." After she spoke to U.S. News, Biehl was planning to do some more work for the foundation and then meet one of her daughter's killers and his fiancee for dinner. And that is the heart of forgiveness: the hard and personal work of choosing to live every new day in peace. -Caroline Hsu
from USNEWS.com